Class Notes Posts

Here are all the documents/materials for the leadership team.

Topic #1 – Respect

3rdOpt WS1

Topic #1 – Respect Notes

Couples Bill of Rights

Sculpture Diagram

HOMEWORK

Topic #1 – Respect (PowerPoint)

Topic #2 – Responsibility

3rdOpt WS2

Topic #2 – Responsibility Notes Annot

Personal – Impersonal I

Topic #2 – Responsibility (PowerPoint)

Topic #3 – Expectations

3rdOpt WS3

Topic 3 Expectations Notes Annot

Topic #3 – Expectations (PowerPoint)

Topic #4 – Power

3rdOpt WS4

Topic 4 Power Notes Annot

Scriptures for Topic #4

Topic #4 – Power struggles (PowerPoint)

Topic #5 – Control

3rdOpt WS5

Topic 5 Control Notes Annot

Conflict Resolution

Topic #5 – Control (PowerPoint)

Topic #6 – Listening

3rdOpt WS6

Topic 6 Listening Notes Annot

Topic #6 – Listening (PowerPoint)

Topic #7 – Personality

3rdOpt WS7

Topic 7 Personality Notes Annot

Topic #7 – Personality Differences (PowerPoint)

Topic #8 – Childhood Issues

3rdOpt WS8

Topic #8 – Childhood NotesAnnot

Reromanticizing Your Marriage

Topic #8 – Childhood Issues (PowerPoint)

Topic #9 – Anger

3rdOpt WS9

Topic #9 – Anger NotesAnnot

3rdOpt Top9 Anger Verses

Topic #9 – Anger (PowerPoint)

Topic #10 – Speaking

3rdOpt WS10

Topic #10 – Speaking NotesAnnot

Topic #10 – Speaking (PowerPoint)

Topic #11 – Conflict Resolution

3rdOpt WS11

Topic #11 – NotesAnnot

3rdOpt Top11 Dyn Money

Ground Rules Cards

Conflict Discussion Cards

Topic #11 – Conflict Resolution (PowerPoint)

Topic #12 – Feelings

3rdOpt WS12

Topic #12 – Notes Annot

3rdOpt Peel Onion

Topic #12 – Feelings-Hurt (PowerPoint)

Topic #13 – Forgiveness

3rdOpt WS13

Topic 13 NotesAnnot

3rdOpt Top13 Grief

3rdOpt ForgiveProcess

Forgiveness vs Bitterness

Topic #13 – ForgivenessMB (PowerPoint)

Topic #14 – Trust

3rdOpt WS14

Topic #14 – NotesAnnot

Topic #14 – Trust (PowerPoint)

Greetings!

           We trust that everyone is managing to stay WARM in the midst of another spell of Very Cold temperatures!    At least we’ve not (yet…) had to battle a ton of snow.

Last Monday we dove into Topic #1: Building A Climate of Respect, looking at the Couples Bill of Rights, and the Imbalance that happens when we are either Overly Aggressive, or Too Passive – with Respectful Assertiveness being the point of Balance.        (A copy of the Respect Notes Outline we passed out in class is attached)

Thanks to Six Brave Volunteers, we also saw a demonstration of 6 typical personal characteristics that either display Disrespect for Our Spouse, or a Lack of Self-Respect.  The attached document “Sculpture Diagram” shows a Summary of these “Poses.”
……………

                “Without Love, She Reacts Without Respect…  Without Respect, He Reacts Without Love.”
                                                    – The Crazy Cycle  (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

This Monday (Jan 19) we will wrap up our discussion of Topic #1: Building A Climate of Respect during our first hour, which will include a look at “I Statements,” along with the“Questions to Ponder” on the Topic #1 Worksheet that was handed out last week.   (3rdOpt WS1.pdf – attached)

 And don’t forget to consider the Goal you have set for yourself this week – (Of Course, EVERYONE did this at the end of class last Monday…) and decide what Practical Plans you can lay out to implement it!

During the second hour on Monday, Tony & Linda will begin the discussion of Topic #2: Responsibility and The Blame Game, which will further develop the concept of “I Statements,” and suggest some Solutions for two more ways we often find our lives – and our relationships – Out of Balance.
Each of the Topics in The Third Option is packed with useful information, and Tony & Linda manage to bring these out in ways that are both enlightening and entertaining!

 THE BEGINNING OF THE END TO THE “CRAZY CYCLE”    (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

            Husband – Determine that your wife does not mean to be Disrespectful to you, that disrespect for you is not what she feels in the deepest part of her heart.                                 
                            Remember this when she gets nasty or seems like she has nothing but contempt for you.

            Wife –     Determine that your Husband does not mean to be Unloving to you, that Love for you is what he feels in the deepest part of his heart.
                            Remember this when he gets nasty or seems like he does not love you at all.
………………..

 Reminder:  We will refer back to the Note Outlines and Worksheet pages for each Topic – and, obviously, particularly so on the Monday following a Topic – so we encourage each of you to have something along the lines of a “Pocket Folder” to keep the handouts in – and, of course, to bring a Pen with you each week.

We trust you have had a wonderful week, and look forward to seeing everyone at 7 pm Monday evening!

Go with God –

Reid & Marilyn Kistler; Tony & Linda DeFelice; Doug & Michele Koser

Tony & Linda: tdefelicejr@aol.com

Doug: dbk65@msn.com
Michele: m.koser@sbcglobal.net

Reid & Marilyn: kistler96@gmail.com
Marilyn: mgkistler@gmail.com
Reid: rdkistler@gmail.com

CAN I BE RIGHT BUT WRONG AT THE SAME TIME?        (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

                Being right, but saying things in an unloving, harsh, loud, critical, or demeaning manner will never win over your spouse, even when they know you are right.

 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.         – Philippians 2:3-4

Attachments

Topic #1 – Respect Notes

Worksheet #1

Couples Bill of Rights

Sculpture Diagram

Welcome to The Third Option class!

              “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.”  
– Philippians 2:1-2

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”
– Hebrews 10:24-25

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has on one to help him up!”
– Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
– Philippians 2:3-4

Greetings!      

 Next session (Jan 12) we will take a look at the Homework assignments handed out last week, and then will formally dive into The Third Option study with Topic #1: Building A Climate of Respect, which includes running through the Couples Bill of Rights.

 We will also have the Topic Schedule for the study, a copy of the Couples Bill of Rights, a Notes Outline for “Respect” – – – – And, Of course, a Worksheet (with “Homework”) handout to give you something to do until the next class!

………………..

Recommended Class Resources: Even though we will pass out Note and Worksheet pages for each Topic,  we strongly encourage each of you to have something along the lines of a “Pocket Folder” to keep the handouts in –  note that we will pass out 4 sheets tonight alone (!), and many of these will be referred to in future study sessions.     And, of course, bring a Pen with you each week….

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”    
– 1 Peter 3:8-10

We trust you have had a wonderful week, and look forward to seeing everyone at 7 pm Monday evening!

Go with God –

Reid & Marilyn Kistler; Tony & Linda DeFelice; Doug & Michele Koser

Tony & Linda: tdefelicejr@aol.com

Doug: dbk65@msn.com
Michele: m.koser@sbcglobal.net

Reid & Marilyn: kistler96@gmail.com
Marilyn: mgkistler@gmail.com
Reid: rdkistler@gmail.com

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  
– Jeremiah 29:11

Attachments

HOMEWORK

    And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…   
– Hebrews 10:24-25

Greetings!

Another weekend is Rapidly approaching, and hence it is time for our weekly message – lest everyone thinks there is nothing to do over the next 4 days….   😉

During our first hour this past Monday we completed the discussion of Topic 1: Building A Climate of Respect, including a quick review of the skill of using “Personal I Statements.”   Note how this exercise fits in with “The Couples Bill of Rights” – and particularly Items 3 – 8.    (Additional copies of the “Bill of Rights for Married Couples” and “Personal I Statements” may be picked up in class.)

Tony & Linda kicked off  Topic 2 – Responsibility and the Blame Game during the 2nd hour on Monday, looking at how we can be Out of Balance by being either UNDER- OR OVER -Responsible.  This topic also dives deeper into using “I Statements,” as well as examining both “Enabling” and “The Blame Game” – and offering up some solutions for each.

Notes for Monday, January 26:

 1) For our first hour this Monday, Tony & Linda will wrap up their talk on Topic 2: “Responsibility & The Blame Game.” 

If you have not already done so, remember (naturally…) to take the time before class to PONDER the “Questions to Ponder” on Worksheet #2.
Do you tend toward being Over- or Under- Responsible?   Have you caught yourself using the “Accusing You” – ??

And then, of course, consider the “Suggested Goals” on the Worksheet, pick YOUR Goal – and write it down (if not done in class this past Monday!) – and decide what Practical Plans you can lay out to implement it!            (Copies of the Worksheet and Notes for Topic 2 are attached.)

           Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.     
– 1 Peter 5:8-9
   
 2) For our 2nd hour this Monday, Doug & Michele will begin the lesson on Topic 3: “Understanding Expectations.”
This topic is packed with insightful information, which can lead to much greater understanding of not only Ourselves, but also our Spouses (as well as other important people in our lives!).    Understanding and Managing Expectations is one of the foundational concepts in most marriage studies – and failing to get a handle on this subject is a common source of marital discord.

As the newest members of the MarriageBuilders Team, Doug & Michele bring a fresh set of perspectives – to say nothing of fresh voices! – to our study.  We are blessed to have them join us, and hope everyone will give them a Warm Welcome when they take the lead on Monday evening!

            As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.    – Proverbs 27:17

Finally, as discussed last Monday, a women’s weekend retreat is coming up at the end of January (Jan 30 – Feb 1).
“The Great Exchange Weekend” is an “Experiential Healing Weekend for Women,” and the upcoming event is the first of 3 scheduled for 2015.
For additional information, or to register, visit www.lifecarechristiancenter.org, or speak with Marilyn on Monday evening.
 (A copy of The Great Exchange Weekend flyer is also attached.)

Take care on your drive in Monday evening. And remember Tony’s discussion during our first meeting concerning how readily the devil will throw Obstacles into our path whenever we begin to work for our Faith.

We pray that you are have had a Wonderful Week, & look forward to seeing everyone on Monday!

Go with God –

Reid & Marilyn Kistler; Tony & Linda DeFelice; Doug & Michele Koser

Tony & Linda:        tdefelicejr@aol.com
Doug:                      dbk65@msn.com
Michele:                 m.koser@sbcglobal.net
Reid & Marilyn:    kistler96@gmail.com
Marilyn:                 mgkistler@gmail.com
Reid:                       rdkistler@gmail.com

        If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.   ….
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 
– 1 Corinthians 13:1-3; 12-13

Attachments

Topic #2 – Responsibility Notes
Worksheet #2
Great Exchange Weekend 2015

But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”    – Mark 10:6 – 9

As a consumer, we have power where there are many sellers: if they don’t satisfy us, we don’t buy from them. 
Alas, many people approach marriage as consumer: as if our own satisfaction is the goal of marriage, and if our spouse disappoints us, we want to leave them for another. 
We stay if they meet our desires – at not too high of a price.

      Marriage as consumer is not what God intended.
     God intended marriage to focus on the needs of the other, in sacrifice of our own needs.     
                  –   “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” / May 10 & 11, 2014 / Brad Powell  

Good Day!
Here we are, once again on the brink of another weekend – but with the notable distinction that Monday, June 8, is our FINAL OFFICIAL MEETING for the Spring MarriageBuilders Study!

We will start Monday off with a final look at Money Personalities (“MP“).

Knowing your Primary Money Personalities –

What are some of the Disadvantages that you could imagine for YOUR Primary MP?

Comparing your Primary Money Personality to that of your spouse:

What areas of Conflict (Disagreement) might you expect to see?
How does this compare with your actual experience?

What are some of the Advantages that you could imagine for your SPOUSE’S Primary MP?

What steps could you (and your spouse) take to Enhance each of your Money “Strengths”?
(Or, at least, to Mitigate your respective Weaknesses?)

How might the principle of “Not Wrong, Just Different…” apply to Money Personalities?
For those who already have a “Money Personality Comparisons” booklet:

Did you find any Surprises / Insights from the material?
How accurate (true-to-life) did “The Real-Life Story seem?

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.   – 1 John 4:18

God commands us to Love: you cannot command a feeling – but you can command an action. 
We cannot control our feelings – neither can our spouse. 
Feelings change. But we can control our actions.   
Acting loving can change our feelings; but acting on our feelings can end our marriage….
                 –   “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” / May 10 & 11, 2014 / Brad Powell

………………………..

The balance of our evening will be spent looking at Marital Intimacy.  (See The Third Option, Topic 14: Trust)

Our main focus will be on Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Physical Intimacy.
What do these look like?  (How do you know when you have – or don’t have – any of these?)

Are there differences in Relative Importance between these?  How? / Why?
Does “Intimacy” imply “Being The Same” – ? (or “Equal” – ?)     Explain…..

Looking back at our study, how might Our Perception of “Intimacy” (in any or all of these areas), be impacted by:

(Typical) Gender Differences?
Family of Origin?
Other Past Experiences?
Personality Traits?
Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott identify some additional areas of Marital Intimacy that they find important in determining the level of Teamwork within a marriage:
Aesthetic; Creative; Recreational; Work; Crisis; and Conflict Intimacy.
Do any of these strike you as being Particularly Important?     Which One(s)?          Why?

………………………………………….

Have a wonderful weekend!  (Hopefully we will see some of you before / after the 2nd Service at NorthRidge (Plymouth) this Sunday!)

Reid & Marilyn, and Doug & Michelle

 Love promotes intimacy: 
We should reach out to our spouse in grace and understanding, 
accepting them for who they are and assuring them that their secrets are safe with us.

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. 
Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. 
Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. 
Make them feel safe.

 – The Love Dare Bible Study, Day 17…..

He who covers over an offense promotes love. But whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. 
 –  Proverbs 17: 9

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. – 2 Timothy 2:22-24

Good Day!

The 3rd meeting of our Spring “Best of….” Series begins at 7pm this evening.

Last week we had a wonderful presentation by Tony & Linda, that covered a number of items that tend to make Communication difficult – from Family of Origin through “Pink & Blue” – along with some thoughts on helping to overcome these (“I Statements” figured prominently, of course!).

And, YES!: That was Tony & Linda sporting BIG Pink (or Blue) Sunglasses – and Wigs to match!

During our 2nd Hour last week, we looked at “5 Strategies of Managing Conflict” – AFTER filling out a Questionnaire designed to help us understand OUR Most Common Way(s) of Managing Conflict. We also asked everyone to “Guess” how their SPOUSE would respond to this questionnaire. :-\

The only HOMEWORK for this week was to Compare & Contrast YOUR Opinion of YOURSELF, with YOUR SPOUSE’S Opinion of Yourself….
And that is where we will start our evening!

The balance of our First Hour tonight will wrap up our discussion of Conflict (Remember our Definition of “Conflict” – ??), by taking a look at the question “Why Can’t You Be More Like Me?”
This question, of course, has an impact on more than “merely” Conflict / Disagreements, but it fits in nicely with the “Why is Understanding / Communication so Difficult, & thus Lead to Conflict….”
…………….

We have Something Slightly Different planned for our Second Hour this evening. =-O
And while it won’t involve Sunglasses and Wigs (to the best of my current knowledge!!!), we think it will be Somewhat Fun, Hopefully Informative, and Ideally will serve as a nice send-off for our TWO WEEK BREAK. (No Class on May 25th: we will return on June 1st!)

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ – Mark 6:30-31

We also hope to find time for some more discussion on Small Group(s) and Social Activities. We were able to meet with several couples over the weekend, all of whom expressed keen interest in Social Activities, and we also have couples who are Serious about getting a Small Group up & running!
This may be a difficult week due to the Holiday, but hopefully we can at least lay a foundation for these pursuits…

 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. – Proverbs 13:20

As always, we look forward to seeing you this evening – Drive in Safely!

– Your Marriage Builders Team: Doug & Michele; Tony & Linda, and Reid & Marilyn

Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Listen, my son, and be wise,
and set your heart on the right path….
My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes delight in my ways…. – Proverbs 23:17-19, 26
 

Marriage never ‘works.’ We have to work at marriage…
                It doesn’t do any good to have the tools unless we use them.            – The Third Option

            My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

            Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

            If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
-James 1:19-20, 22-26
    Good Day!

Our Winter 2015 study of “The Third Option” will wrap this coming Monday (April 27), when we tackle the final hour of  Topic 14: Re-Building Trust.
During the second hour on Monday we will look at your preferences for Small Groups & Social Event options, plus a quick peek at the Spring study.

                  REMINDER:  Our Short SPRING 2015 series on “The Best of The Third Option”  ( – ! – ) will begin on Monday, May 4, and run through Jun 8.
                   (We will not meet on May 25th, which is Memorial Day.)

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.  So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches?      – Luke 16:10-11

As always, please take the time to look over the Worksheet for Topic 14 (Re-Building Trust) before class next Monday:

Did any of the concepts presented in this topic provide new insights for you?

What about the balance between Trusting Too Much   – – – – or Too Little?

How do we go about “Testing” the amount of Trust we extend to another? Especially to our Spouse?

The Worksheet and Notes (Annotated…) pages for Topic 14 are attached. 

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.  This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
            Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.     – 1 John 4:1-3, 7-8

Referring to the two quotes at the top of this message, we strongly encourage each of you to refer to the ideas and skills presented – not only in Topic 14, but throughout this study – and to Practice them daily, so as to better develop Good Relationship Habits….                  

                It took years to develop the patterns you have; it is going to take time to fix them. 
               “Two steps forward, one step back” is still progress.     – The Third Option
   

Have a wonderful – and blessed –  Weekend!  We look forward to seeing you this Monday – and, by current count, a fair number of you on May 4!

Go with God –

                            Michele, Doug, Linda, Tony, Marilyn, & Reid

            Like breaking in a new pair of shoes, trying new skills will feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. But after a few times they will begin to feel comfortable.
– The Third Option

            You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;  to be made new in the attitude of your minds;  and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.  “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.  Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
– Ephesians 4:22-32

Worksheet #14
Topic #14 – Trust Notes

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.    – 1 John 1:8-9

Greetings –

We are nearing the end of the Winter 2015 study of “The Third Option.”
Last Monday we concluded Topic 12: “Feelings and The Hurt Spiral,” and then Doug & Michele began Topic 13: “Forgiveness and Repair.”
The Winter session will officially finish up over the next two Mondays, with the 2nd Hour of “Forgiveness” this Monday (April 20), followed by Topic 14: “Re-Building Trust,” which will conclude on April 27.

     Logistical Notes:

1)        We will once again offer a short “Best of The Third Option” series, scheduled to run from May 4 – Jun 8.  (6 weeks, but only 5 classes, due to the Memorial Day holiday)

In essence, this is really a Continuation of the Winter study, as we intend to go deeper into topics we have previously covered, while also presenting some material that “The Third Option” provides as “Optional.”     The “Best Of….” sessions tend to draw a somewhat smaller group. If that holds true, we hope to be able to lose the microphones, and run the study as more of a Small Group, at least for part of each evening.

2)       If you MISSED last Monday – but are able to attend This Coming Monday (April 20), please come up & see us, either before class, or at the break:

a)  We have a “Course Evaluation” that we would like you to fill out; and

b)  We will also have a sheet that queries your (Potential) interest in the “Spring” session and our Proposed Topics, along with possible Small Group / Social Activities…………………………………………

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.      – Matthew 6:12-15

Perhaps more than any other 3 Topic sequence in “The Third Option,” Topics 12 to 14 build tightly upon each other.

Last week we completed the discussion of Topic 12: “Feelings and The Hurt Spiral,” after which we began to look at Topic 13: “Forgiveness and Repair.”   Doug & Michele will wrap up Topic 13 on Monday, and then Tony & Linda will complete the sequence with Topic 14: “Re-Building Trust,” which will carry over to April 27, the final evening of the “Winter 2015” session.

As usual, the Worksheet and Class Notes for Topic 13 are attached, along with “The Forgiveness Process,” and “Grief” from “The Third Option” materials.

In addition, a copy of “Bitterness vs. Forgiveness” is attached (from Ministering the Steps to Freedom in Christ).
This latter includes a Precise set of “directions,” including 3 Specific prayers, references to pertinent Bible passages, and some worthwhile Observations & Wisdom, including:
 You don’t forgive someone for their sake; you do it for your own sake so you can be free. Your need to forgive isn’t an issue between you and the offender; it’s between you and God.

And, of course – and also As Usual – the “Questions to Ponder” on the Worksheet are deserving of at least a few minutes Reflection:

• For what do I need to ask Forgiveness?
• To whom – beyond my spouse – do I need to Apologize?   (Or Seek Forgiveness From?)
• Am I “nursing” any Grudges?  Have I allowed myself to Become Bitter over some “Wrong” – Intentional or Otherwise?

 Within a Marriage, or other Significant Relationship, Forgiveness is a process that requires both parties to participate in – given the Third Option goal of Reconciliation.       But even in circumstances where Reconciliation is not possible, we are still called to Forgive.
 
……………………………………..

We pray you have a Wonderful Weekend, and look forward to seeing everyone on Monday Evening.

Go with God –
Reid, Marilyn, Tony & Linda, and Doug & Michele

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.             
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.     – Colossians 3:12-15

Worksheet #13
Topic #13 – Forgiveness Notes
Third Option – The Forgiveness Process
Third Option – Grief
Forgiveness vs. Bitterness