Month: <span>May 2015</span>

Published May 18, 2015

Spring 2015 – Communication and Conflict

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. – 2 Timothy 2:22-24

Good Day!

The 3rd meeting of our Spring “Best of….” Series begins at 7pm this evening.

Last week we had a wonderful presentation by Tony & Linda, that covered a number of items that tend to make Communication difficult – from Family of Origin through “Pink & Blue” – along with some thoughts on helping to overcome these (“I Statements” figured prominently, of course!).

And, YES!: That was Tony & Linda sporting BIG Pink (or Blue) Sunglasses – and Wigs to match!

During our 2nd Hour last week, we looked at “5 Strategies of Managing Conflict” – AFTER filling out a Questionnaire designed to help us understand OUR Most Common Way(s) of Managing Conflict. We also asked everyone to “Guess” how their SPOUSE would respond to this questionnaire. :-\

The only HOMEWORK for this week was to Compare & Contrast YOUR Opinion of YOURSELF, with YOUR SPOUSE’S Opinion of Yourself….
And that is where we will start our evening!

The balance of our First Hour tonight will wrap up our discussion of Conflict (Remember our Definition of “Conflict” – ??), by taking a look at the question “Why Can’t You Be More Like Me?”
This question, of course, has an impact on more than “merely” Conflict / Disagreements, but it fits in nicely with the “Why is Understanding / Communication so Difficult, & thus Lead to Conflict….”
…………….

We have Something Slightly Different planned for our Second Hour this evening. =-O
And while it won’t involve Sunglasses and Wigs (to the best of my current knowledge!!!), we think it will be Somewhat Fun, Hopefully Informative, and Ideally will serve as a nice send-off for our TWO WEEK BREAK. (No Class on May 25th: we will return on June 1st!)

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ – Mark 6:30-31

We also hope to find time for some more discussion on Small Group(s) and Social Activities. We were able to meet with several couples over the weekend, all of whom expressed keen interest in Social Activities, and we also have couples who are Serious about getting a Small Group up & running!
This may be a difficult week due to the Holiday, but hopefully we can at least lay a foundation for these pursuits…

 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. – Proverbs 13:20

As always, we look forward to seeing you this evening – Drive in Safely!

– Your Marriage Builders Team: Doug & Michele; Tony & Linda, and Reid & Marilyn

Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.
Listen, my son, and be wise,
and set your heart on the right path….
My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes delight in my ways…. – Proverbs 23:17-19, 26
 

The Third Option

Published May 15, 2015

Informal Meeting for Small Groups / Activities

We will be at NorthRidge on Saturday, May 16. Please look for us in the Cafe following the 5pm Service.
We would love to discuss Small Group possibilities – AND will be heading out afterwards to do Something….
(Ice Cream? Pizza? Walk in the Park?….)

We’ll be back in touch with those who have Specifically Expressed an interest in Social Activities. If you would like to be added to that list (or to ensure that you ARE on it!), please send us an email!

Activities

Published May 11, 2015

Love & Respect – COUPLE and CHAIRS

The Crazy Cycle:
Without love, she reacts without respect.
Without respect, he reacts without love.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”

Good Day (!):

Our 2nd meeting of “The Best of The Third Option” Officially Begins at 7pm this evening!
Housekeeping:
1)   As with last Monday, we will be mixing in a healthy dose of “Love & Respect” principles into our study.
To that end – and ASSUMING there is an “Audience” – our plan is to show part of the “C H A I R S” presentation, taken from a Love & Respect Seminar, beginning around 6:45pm this evening.   (And, Yes, we do realize that that is before the Official Class Time….)
2)   You are receiving a copy of this email because we think you attended last week’s study, OR have requested to receive class emails…..

How does a husband meet his wife’s deepest need of love? Wives need C-o-u-p-l-e
Closeness – She needs you to be close.
Openness – She needs you to open up to her.
Understanding – Don’t try to fix her, just listen
Peacemaking – She needs you to say, “I’m sorry”
Loyalty – She needs to know you are committed.
Esteem – She needs you to honor and cherish her.

How does a wife meet her husband’s deepest need of respect?  Husbands need C-h-a-i-r-s
Conquest – He has a strong desire to work and achieve.
Hierarchy – He wants to protect and provide.
Authority – He desires to serve and to lead.
Insight –   He needs her to trust his ability to analyze things and come up with solutions.
Relationship – He desires shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
Sexuality – He needs his wife to respond sexually to him.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”

Last week we looked at the first Third Option Topic, “Respect,” expanding it with Eggerichs’ thoughts on “Love & Respect,” focusing on “The Crazy Cycle,” and how the implementation of “C O U P L E” and “C H A I R S” can help us move beyond The Crazy Cycle, bearing in mind that:

You have to decide to believe that your spouse is well-intentioned and good-hearted toward you.

The mature person will be the first one to start meeting their spouse’s deepest need
and get the couple off the Crazy Cycle and onto the Energizing Cycle:
His love motivates her respect.
Her respect motivates his love.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”

This evening we will move on to Communication and Handling “Disagreements” (Less emotionally-charged than “Conflict” – ??).

Tony & Linda will kick the evening off by once again melding “Love and Respect” communication principles with those of “The Third Option,” and we will close the evening by taking a look at several “Options” for handling conflict (That is: “Disagreements…”), and when each might (or might not…) be appropriate….
In “The Third Option,” of course, the expressed goal is to find a “Balance Point” between two common extremes.
With “Love and Respect,” the goal is move from “The Crazy Cycle,” stopping first at “The Energized Cycle” – but then moving on to:
The Rewarded Cycle:
He loves his wife, regardless of whether or not she respects him.
She respects her husband, regardless of whether or not he loves her.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”

We look forward to seeing everyone this evening: Please drive in Safely!
– The Marriage Builders Team

It comes down to unconditional love and unconditional respect.  It’s not about “deserving” love & respect.
It’s about being willing to treat your spouse with love & respect without conditions.
To do it when you don’t really feel like it.  It is a choice

We can combine our faith with what we’re learning to get to the reward of a good marriage.
The husband’s unconditional love is like Christ’s love for the church.
The wife’s unconditional respect is like the church’s reverence for Christ.

Don’t give up if it doesn’t seem to be working.  Keep showing your spouse unconditional love or unconditional respect. Be encouraged by the slightest improvements.  God will reward you for your obedience to Him.  Everything you do counts.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”

Spring 2015 - The Best Of ...