The Crazy Cycle:
Without love, she reacts without respect.
Without respect, he reacts without love.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”
Good Day (!):
Our 2nd meeting of “The Best of The Third Option” Officially Begins at 7pm this evening!
Housekeeping:
1) As with last Monday, we will be mixing in a healthy dose of “Love & Respect” principles into our study.
To that end – and ASSUMING there is an “Audience” – our plan is to show part of the “C H A I R S” presentation, taken from a Love & Respect Seminar, beginning around 6:45pm this evening. (And, Yes, we do realize that that is before the Official Class Time….)
2) You are receiving a copy of this email because we think you attended last week’s study, OR have requested to receive class emails…..
How does a husband meet his wife’s deepest need of love? Wives need C-o-u-p-l-e
Closeness – She needs you to be close.
Openness – She needs you to open up to her.
Understanding – Don’t try to fix her, just listen
Peacemaking – She needs you to say, “I’m sorry”
Loyalty – She needs to know you are committed.
Esteem – She needs you to honor and cherish her.
How does a wife meet her husband’s deepest need of respect? Husbands need C-h-a-i-r-s
Conquest – He has a strong desire to work and achieve.
Hierarchy – He wants to protect and provide.
Authority – He desires to serve and to lead.
Insight – He needs her to trust his ability to analyze things and come up with solutions.
Relationship – He desires shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
Sexuality – He needs his wife to respond sexually to him.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”
Last week we looked at the first Third Option Topic, “Respect,” expanding it with Eggerichs’ thoughts on “Love & Respect,” focusing on “The Crazy Cycle,” and how the implementation of “C O U P L E” and “C H A I R S” can help us move beyond The Crazy Cycle, bearing in mind that:
You have to decide to believe that your spouse is well-intentioned and good-hearted toward you.
The mature person will be the first one to start meeting their spouse’s deepest need
and get the couple off the Crazy Cycle and onto the Energizing Cycle:
His love motivates her respect.
Her respect motivates his love.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”
This evening we will move on to Communication and Handling “Disagreements” (Less emotionally-charged than “Conflict” – ??).
Tony & Linda will kick the evening off by once again melding “Love and Respect” communication principles with those of “The Third Option,” and we will close the evening by taking a look at several “Options” for handling conflict (That is: “Disagreements…”), and when each might (or might not…) be appropriate….
In “The Third Option,” of course, the expressed goal is to find a “Balance Point” between two common extremes.
With “Love and Respect,” the goal is move from “The Crazy Cycle,” stopping first at “The Energized Cycle” – but then moving on to:
The Rewarded Cycle:
He loves his wife, regardless of whether or not she respects him.
She respects her husband, regardless of whether or not he loves her.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”
We look forward to seeing everyone this evening: Please drive in Safely!
– The Marriage Builders Team
It comes down to unconditional love and unconditional respect. It’s not about “deserving” love & respect.
It’s about being willing to treat your spouse with love & respect without conditions.
To do it when you don’t really feel like it. It is a choice
We can combine our faith with what we’re learning to get to the reward of a good marriage.
The husband’s unconditional love is like Christ’s love for the church.
The wife’s unconditional respect is like the church’s reverence for Christ.
Don’t give up if it doesn’t seem to be working. Keep showing your spouse unconditional love or unconditional respect. Be encouraged by the slightest improvements. God will reward you for your obedience to Him. Everything you do counts.
– Emerson Eggerichs, “Love and Respect”