Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23-24
Good Day!
Last week we wrapped up the discussion of Topic 9 – “Handling Anger Constructively,” and then began Topic 10 in The Third Option: “Speaking the Truth in Love.”
Some thoughts on “Anger” –
We live in an age of rage…. By studying anger and its power, we can learn self-control….
We should reflect prayerfully about how we can incorporate [the following] ideals in our own lives:
- To keep my life centered in God, as best I can, recognizing that when I do not, my natural self will generate things to become angry about;
- To not condemn myself for feelings of anger;
- To do everything I can to avoid acting on the basis of anger;
- To clean up any problems I create as quickly as possible;
- To recognize God’s help in this process;
- To redirect the energy of anger away from hurting people, and toward improving conditionsfor people;
- To be sensitive to injustice and evil, learning to be angry about the misery that sin inflicts on people without becoming controlled by anger.
It has been my observation…. that each person who has sought God’s help in the understanding and resolution of his or her anger has, without exception, received that help…. It is the miracle of God’s love for us, the miracle of his redemptive grace. – Richard P. Walters; Men’s Devotional Bible (NIV); Zondervan
Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. – Matthew 12:33-37
Doug & Michele will wrap up “Speaking the Truth in Love” during our first hour on Monday. For those who either missed last week, or simply want extra copies, the Topic 10 Worksheet and Discussion Notes are attached to this message.
I am RESPONSIBLE for my half of the DIALOGUE. I cannot expect you to mind read or guess. -The Third Option, Topic 10
Remember to look over the Worksheet for Topic 10, especially the “Suggested Exercise…” of setting aside a time (ideally on a daily basis…) to Practice GOOD Communication Skills. Follow the suggestion of trying “non-controversial” subjects first, and then moving on to more difficult areas.
Make a note – whether literally or mentally – of what technique(s) you try, how comfortable you feel with them, and how well they work for you.
Do you find yourself caught by any of the Roadblocks to Effective Speaking mentioned in the discussion?
Which one(s)? How could you attempt to work around these?
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29
During our second hour on Monday we will turn our attention to Topic 11 – How to Fight Fair: Conflict Resolution
“This workshop attempts to show the importance of resolving, not avoiding, conflict, and gives a step-by-step process for doing so.”
We hope you will be able to join us as Tony & Linda kick off the final third of our study!
Have a Blessed Weekend –
– The Marriage Builders Team
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another… – Hebrews 10:24-25
“I did everything you told me to,” an agitated client says, “and it doesn’t work….”
We don’t hear complaints like this very often, but we do hear them…. We would be less than honest if we said that by learning and practicing effective relationship principles… you’re 100 percent assured of getting everything you want out of a relationship. You’re not.
It is true that by living in the way God has outlined, you create a fertile environment in which healthy relationships can grow and flourish…. but it’s a far cry from a guarantee of success…..
In my experience, “It doesn’t work” most often means, “My partner’s habits and behavior continue to make my life miserable.” “It doesn’t work” usually translates into some form of, “I can’t get my partner to change.”
But what if that isn’t what God most wants? What if God most wants to change you?….
Instead of asking,”What will work to get him [or her…] to change,” what if you asked, “What kind of person should I be?”….
To the extent that you define the problem or the goal in terms of the other person, you remain paralyzed. You will have no power to change anything.
You can’t force the other person to change.
The only person you can change is yourself.
– The DNA of Relationships, Dr. Gary Smalley: Chapter 9 “What We Can Change”
Attachments
Worksheet #10
Topic #10 – Speaking Notes