The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor…. – Isaiah 61:1-2
Greetings:
Yet another weekend – and the Start of Spring! – is sneaking up on us, so it is once again time to turn at least PART of our attention to “The Third Option”…..
Last week Tony & Linda wrapped up the discussion of “Childhood Issues and Emotional Baggage” during our first hour, and we began Topic #9 — “Handling Anger Constructively” — during the 2nd hour, looking at the distinction between Angry Feelings and Angry Behavior, and the C. U. T. T. approach to dealing with anger Constructively. (See Topic #9 Notes – attached)
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. – 1 Corinthians 13:11
We all carry baggage from the past, whether due to our own actions, or to things that were imposed upon us. Some of these are events that we can now look back upon as Lessons Learned, or perhaps that we can actually chuckle over (in hindsight, of course…). But others are hurts or failures (whether real or merely perceived) still capable of causing Pain Now – and of negatively impacting our relationships: with our Spouse, Significant Others, Ourselves, and God…
As always, we hope that you will both Extend and Accept GRACE as you (and your spouse…) work through the process of overcoming past hurts and other painful memories. This can be a difficult process, but remaining stuck in the past – whether carrying Guilt and / or a “Victim” attitude, without end – hinders our personal growth, as well as poisons our relationships; and we are called to growth, not remaining as we are:
Christian maturity is not starting out with Jesus, then graduating to something better. The Christian life is starting with Christ, then spending the rest of eternity discovering more and more of what we already have in Him, more and more of the wonders of this Person “in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2:3)
“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(2 Peter 1:5-8)
“But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.” (2 Peter 1:9)
…[M]any Christians today have an understanding of salvation that is not necessarily wrong, but much too small.”
– From Classic Christianity (“Life’s Too Short to Miss the Real Thing”), Chapter 4: “Forgiven to be Filled” and Chapter 8: “The Great Exchange,” by Bob George
Alas, it is easier to speak (or write…) of overcoming the past, and moving on toward the pursuit of Christian Maturity – becoming closer and closer to Christ – than it is to put these plans into effect. We pray that you will seek, and find, whatever help you may need, whether that be the mutual support of a loving spouse, carefully chosen friends, professional help – or all of the above!
In addition to Classic Christianity (quoted above), the following books might prove helpful (as always, there are MANY Excellent works available: these are merely a couple that happened to be at hand….):
Turn Your Life Around (“Break Free from Your Past to a New and Better You”), by Dr. Tim Clinton
Life’s Healing Choices (“Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-ups, and Habits”), by John Baker
The DNA of Relationships, by Dr. Gary Smalley (See especially “The Power of One: Take Personal Responsibility,” and “What We Can Change: The Change God Most Wants.”)
……………………………..
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20
The Homework for this week, (from Worksheet #9, copy attached) includes:
- Honestly answer the question “Do I have an Anger Problem?”
- If “Yes,” where does it spring from?
- How have you dealt with Anger in the past?
- How can you do this better in the future?
- If your answer is “No” – are you certain? Check with those who have known you for some years, AND who are in a position to offer an unbiased…
- Am I contributing to my spouse’s anger problems?
- Do I allow help them focus their anger on me, when it “belongs” elsewhere?
- What can I do to help them re-focus – or, better yet, defuse – their anger?
Resources we mentioned in class for “Anger”:
“Cage the Rage” – a series of seven talks by Brad Powell. These date back to July and August 1998, and while available as a boxed set of CASSETTE TAPES at one time, the series is now old enough that it may well be out of circulation….
The Man In The Mirror (“Solving the 24 Problems Men Face”), by Patrick Morley. This is a classic, and covers a broad range of issues; Part Five addresses “Solving Our Temperament Problems,” including Pride, Fear, and Anger…
From Anger to Intimacy (“How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage”), by Dr. Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:26-27; 29-32
This coming Monday (Mar 23):
First Hour: We will wrap up the discussion of “Handling Anger Constructively.”
Remember that this is the Official Group Feedback / Participation portion of the discussion!
Second Hour: Doug & Michele will being Topic 10: “Speaking the Truth in Love.”
Not to be missed! This is the “other half” of The Third Option’s two main “Communication” topics, which began with “Listening Beyond the Words.” It is also the precursor to our next topic: “Conflict Resolution.”
Have a Blessed Weekend –
The Marriage Builders Team
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8